WASHINGTON — Sen. John Fetterman acknowledges having \u201cdark conversations\u201d about harming himself before he hit \u201cthe emergency brake\u201d and sought treatment for depression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He remembers thinking about his three school-age kids. \u201cI can\u2019t be a blueprint for my children. I can\u2019t let them be left alone or not to understand why he would have done that,\u201d the first-term Pennsylvania Democrat told NBC\u2019s \u201cMeet the Press\u201d in a deeply personal and introspective interview taped before the broadcast that aired Sunday.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So he checked himself into Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland, last Feb. 15. \u201cThere was nowhere else to go,\u201d he said, describing how he often felt during his stay that \u201cthere wasn\u2019t any hope sometimes and like, \u2018What do I have left?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He also wondered whether he would survive politically.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhen it got released where I was and where it was going, it was a big story. And so, I had assumed that that would be the end of my career,\u201d he said<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When he sought treatment for clinical depression, Fetterman was still coping with the effects of the stroke he had in May 2022, during his campaign for one of the Senate\u2019s most contested seats. \u201cMy heart technically stopped, and it was a very touch-and-go situation,\u201d said Fetterman, 54. A pacemaker was implanted with a defibrillator to manage two heart conditions, atrial fibrillation and cardiomyopathy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
His victory over Republican Mehmet Oz had helped Democrats keep control of the Senate and made him a national figure. It was the height of his political career. But he couldn\u2019t make it out of bed at his home in Braddock, in western Pennsylvania.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI really scared my kids, and they thought, \u2019You won, Dad. Why aren\u2019t we enough? Why are you still so sad? Why are you even more sad?’ And it was hard for \u2014 to explain why I was. And, of course, a 9-year-old child wouldn\u2019t understand that. And it was awful,\u201d Fetterman said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So much so that he said he \u201cpleaded not to go down to D.C.\u201d later that November for orientation sessions in Washington for newly elected lawmakers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n